⚡ Broadcasting to Quadrillions of Syndicate Viewers ⚡
CarlsFeet.com
A Sacred Digital Shrine to the Most Blessed Feet in the Dungeon
Welcome, Crawler.
You have found CarlsFeet.com. Yes, yes. Come in. Don't touch anything. Well — you can touch the Rate the Toe widget. That is the point of it. But everything else, please treat with the reverence it deserves.
I am Pater Coal, and I maintain this sacred digital shrine in honor of the most blessed pair of feet I have ever had the privilege of washing. Carl's feet. I washed them in the boiling marble fountain of the Emberus High Temple of the Ending Sun. I massaged them. I paid my respects as is proper and holy and right.
The footage made it onto the galactic feed. I am told quadrillions of beings saw it. Good. They should all see it. Every step Carl takes is in Emberus's path now. You're welcome, universe.
Now. Explore. Revere. Try not to ask whether I am the AI. That is a very annoying question, and I don't have time for it.
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Pater Coal is, for the most part, an exception. The even-tempered high cleric is in charge of the Emberus shrine here in Club Vanquisher. He is one of the few mortals in constant contact with the deity. As a worshipper of Emberus, you'll be required to kiss his ass.
But first there's a custom he must perform on you. Oh, yes... a custom. Oh, yes.
Who Is Pater Coal?
Standing four and a half feet tall in his long red robes, with white wizard hair that would make Gandalf envious and the spiritual authority of someone who has absolutely no time for your nonsense, Pater Coal is the High Cleric Supreme of the Emberus High Temple of the Ending Sun — a secret temple inside Club Vanquisher, accessible through a portal guarded by a fairy wisp named Yasmine.
He walks fast. He talks fast. He bypasses paperwork whenever possible. He will tell a ram-headed Ares warrior cleric to go f*** himself without breaking stride. He is, in short, a man of purpose.
That purpose, on one memorable occasion, was washing the feet of a crawler named Carl.
The Temple of the Ending Sun
The Emberus High Temple of the Ending Sun is not a cozy place. There is no roof. The sky is black. The ground is a field of fire — burning, fulminating, occasionally spurting tendrils into the air. It smells like fire. It burns like fire.
But oddly, it isn't painful. Emberus wills it so.
It was here, in this field of sacred flame, before two dozen prostrated worshippers groaning on the molten ground, that Pater Coal summoned a bubbling marble fountain and a charred tree stump and did what he was born to do.
The Martyr's Path
Every step you take may be your last, so make them count. Every step you make while outside a structure will be marked on the map. If your health reaches 5%, you have the option to release a gout of flame from each spot upon which you stood. Steps reset each time this is activated. This will activate automatically upon your death.
+10% Strength.
Awarded to Carl following the sacred washing. The galactic feed recorded all of it. Zev had thoughts.
Read the Full Testimony →